CHAPTER 23b - Scottish Shoes and Oiled Midgets

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Elsewhere in the galaxy, a rather robust midget rode a recently-oiled-down frog, of which, was the approximate size of one of those really large, and therefore often mistakenly-presumed to be high-quality, (but really just old and clunky), televisions, that one often finds in second hand stores, or run down rental flats.  The kind of television that a person is invariably disappointed with, when they attempt to view anything upon it that requires a frame rate faster than a Special-Olympics-hurdle-jumper, but is so incredibly awkward and irritating to remove, that one keeps in their flat for the sole reason that it makes a handy table, and is bloody heavy.  Mr. Sploosh, who was directing the midget to use a strained expression, owned one of these giant-frog-sized-televisions, and, at the time of his purchase, had thought it quite the steal, only having to have paid the man a single credit, and having to agree to remove the set himself.  He was a wiser shoe now, and one day hoped to rope another sap into the same arrangement, but in the meantime, was using it as a handy table and claiming that he liked the ‘retro’ look.

“That’s it…” Mr. Sploosh kabloofed, “…Squeeze the frog with your little legs… look like you mean it damn it!”  The midget, like many midgets who do frog porn, didn’t speak a word of Rubbersole, and nodded his head vigorously, before spinning his arms in a lariat-esque manner, grinning, coincidently, like that same Special-Olympics-hurdle-jumper mentioned previously.  Mr. Sploosh groaned, and grabbed his translator box, of which, he’d bought from the same fellow with the gargantuan TV.

[THAH][TIS][EET]…  [SQUA][EEZE][TH’][FREUG][WITH][YER][WEE][THIGHS]… [THERE’S][AH][GOOO][LAHD]…  Mr. Sploosh’s translator-box spat, in a rather poor Scottish accent. 

Seeing as how the midget barely spoke English, Scottish was a step up in complexity that often caused rather embarrassing, but sometimes-rewarding, misinterpretations on the part of the unnamed midget.  One such mistake, in fact, had led to the entire genre of pornography of which Mr. Sploosh was currently the sole producer of, and in fact, was attempting to produce right now. 

[AH][SEEID][TAH][SQUEEEZE][NOH][AH][SNEEZE!][YA][FLEEUHMEN][CRAP!] Mr. Sploosh screamed angrily, then paused, did his species version of a shrug, which somewhat resembled a loosening of one’s laces, and corrected himself.  [ACTUALLY][YEE][MIGHAH][AVE][SUMPTIN][DERE!]… [GOH][WIT][DAHT!]… [BLEEW][YER][NEEWS][ONNA][TH][FREEUG!]