New Philler starts tomorrow!

I've started a book entitled "The Steve Chronicles" (unless I later come up with a better title)

But, I think I'll still categorize it as Philler for those of you who are long time readers :)

How pumped were you at 5?

That child is pumped up.  I wonder how often she listens to Tony Robbins...?

First synthetic cell created by man, has website in its genetic code

So yes, Man (or, to give credit where credit is due, COMPUTER made by MAN) has created a synthetic cell. They grafted some computer code onto a "blank" cell and fabricated... life. To all the religious folks who are objecting to this, I pose an interesting question: What sorts of information/watermarks are in our code... already? Interesting thought, no?

Micoplasmangenetaliawhatchamazoo sounds interesting. The possibilities are limitless, really.

We could maaaaake pigcows! We could maaaaake bacteria that eats whatever we don't want! (nuclear waste, for example)

Ah, brave new world... we could make something that poops an energy source...

Super Sexy CPR

Are you tired of those boring old first aid videos?

(Okay, me neither, but, just go with it, okay?)

I mean... WHO ISN'T!?

(there we go)

Yeah, well, noooow, you can learn about CPR in a bonerfied new method.

Eh? Oh. Bonified. Why, what did I say? Oh.

Well... that too.

Check it out! It could save a life, y'know.

Coolest animation

This is by far the coolest animation I've seen in a long time.

More inspirational even than Who Framed Roger Rabbit or Cool World in its sheer unbridled... well, creativity.

Neat, pictures

I know, pretty n00b of me, but hey, I didn't know I could put up my neat custom graphics into the headers 'n stuff.  (eh? eh?) yeah, pretty awesome I know.

...future posting kind of makes this make a little less sense, eh?  You're all used to the spiffy graphics now - but its only May 14th, for me.

Let me know the winning lotto numbers eh?

Its your fault I'm fat, but popular

Turns out, being fat is based on your social network.

You become that which surrounds you.  Its true in zombie movies, and its true in life.

So, get those fat, poor zombies away from you and gravitate towards more awesome fields.

I'm only slightly kidding.  I mean, imagine going to the Best Martial Arts School in, say, Richmond BC (heh, a little SEO for Shinka) you'd be surrounded by positive people, in positive environments, with positive goals.

Naturally, you would "conform to the norm" of positivity.



Meaning, it may not be so much the effect of a great martial arts institution, but rather, the effect of the positive social group it creates, that has the impact.

Meaning, an amazing martial arts school might be amazing because of the positive culture, not the fun physical activity.

Ice cream tastes better when you eat it with a spoon

Seriously, try it.  Grab yourself some ice cream and eat it with a fork, then, grab a spoon, and scoop yourself a mouthful.

It tastes different.  Different texture.  I swear, one is simply... barbaric.  Like stabbing a baby.

Yes.  Eating ice cream with a fork is like stabbing a baby.

So just don't do it.

Coolest bug zapper ever

So, if you don't know what TED is, by golly, find out.

This fellow has created the world's most complicated, most awesome bug zapper, ever.



"Shoots the wings off a fly" - pfft, big deal, this thing shoots 'em off a mosquito!
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we are in

CanadianPlanet

canada's guide

Auto hassles. Better than auto-tazes

So, you're saying to yourself: "Self, I don't get hassled enough"

Well then, look no farther than auto-hassle m'lad!  Yes indeed, with the click of a few keys, you too can get hassled on any increment of days you choose.

I, for one, sent a 200 day reminder to Renee which I think every person in a long term relationship should set, just to keep things interesting.

Fairly useful thing.  Granted, I use my itouch for the majority of my reminders, but still.


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Helping a messy loved one find their path to cleanliness

I've been thinking about writing a book.  I've found some unique methods to help people in relation to messy housemates.

You think people would want that book?

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The Way Back Machine

I found out about this site, where they archive webpages all the way back to 1987.

I wonder what we could find....

(not a heck of a lot, actually)

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Philler Update

I've been working on a new project - though I intend on naming the main character of this story, "Steve" - if nothing else, it'll make for easier browsing; though it'll still be "Philler" for searching purposes.

Almost ready to post :)

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9/11 Responsible For

Barat, an employee of Google, was inspired to develop a technique called "clustering", by 9/11.  This, combined with Barat's passion for news, led to "Google News"

So, indirectly, the terrorist bombings of the twin towers increased the information flow across the globe.

Ah, butterflies and thine wings, how subtly thee influence thine world.

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Pubic Crabs for sale

Revenge is a crotch best served itchy.

Forget angry text messages, forget smashing their car or throwing their clothes on the lawn, and instead... Buy them a mild STD.

Urban myth?  Afraid not.

You can officially purchase pubic crabs for the use of revenge (unless you want pubic crabs for yourself for some horrific reason, I suppose) at crabrevenge.com.

While the disclaimer says the website creators "do not endorse giving people lice," and the lice are for "novelty purposes only..."  let's face it - the site is CALLED crabREVENGE.com

"Make that bitch itch," the website says.  (but, not in an evil, revengey kind of way, apparently) - interesting how they assume it'll be guys doing it to girls.  I would actually assume that girls are more the vindictive crab-givers.

 "We sell you crabs to give your ex-girlfriend or whoever has pissed you off enough to make you seek revenge on them. If you want a method of revenge that doesn't involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time, you have come to the right place."

(But, again, don't use it for revenge, okay?) pfft.

But wait: How do they harvest these crabs, you ask?  A particularly deplorable house of debauchery perhaps?

The company says it has a facility in the British Isles (insert British joke here) "where we do all of our parasite husbandry and carefully considered selective breeding."

(right, because you wouldn't want to use some bargain basement crabs or something...)

The website says the company was started "by a group of fellows who happen to know a thing or two about biology and revenge."

There are three options to choose from when ordering the lice.

...Options.  On STDs.  What a world.

The green package includes one colony, which can have as many as 30 eggs. "This package is great for one person."  -- the other packages are either for multiple people, or multiple uses (though you have to freeze the leftovers.)

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"Dude, can I have some ice... crea... jesus what the hell is that stuff in your freezer, man?"

The blue package includes three vials, each with about 30 eggs.  "Use the first one straight away and you can freeze the other two batches for over 160 days, or you could get revenge on three people at once...Maybe your friends want in on the action and you'd like to take advantage of the discount pricing," the website says.

I just like the idea that you'd think ahead long enough to freeze your revenge package.  "Yeah, I'm planning on getting pissed off at some other people in the near future, so..."

The red package includes one vial of "shampoo resistant F strain crabs," which can "take up to two weeks to get rid of and apparently bite so much they cause the victim to scratch themselves raw."

Shampoo resistant super crabs.  You heard it here first, folks.

And, to quote commissioner Gordon "You've started something." in reference to the Joker... crabsites are popping up all over the place.

If we take the lateral leap of Scarecrow to Joker, then I can only assume "AIDS in a vial" is next.  Maybe with handy-dandy pin-applicator?  Herpes in a super soaker?

Sigh.
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Bring back Phil

So I've been getting some requests for another Phil-book.

I think I could do that.

Any requests as to subject matter?

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Holy Shit Purple Yam

Save your judgement.  Purple Yam Ice Cream is !@#$ing insane.

Its really... really good.

Holy crap, seriously.  I mean, who the hell would think yams would be good blended up and frozen, right?

But yeah.  Try it.

That is all.

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Kick Ass Movie Review

And speaking of lame superheros...

Here was quite the shocker.

I enjoyed Kick Ass.  I mean... really, honestly, I did.  I liked it for its plot, its believability, its characters, its acting, its action and its humor.

Seriously, I had no faith in this movie, none.  My fiancé started watching it, and convinced me to watch it with her and... well there you go.  It was good.

Kind of like getting plot out of a national lampoons movie, but, there you have it.

I expect to see Hit Girl in some more upcoming features, as well.  She was great.

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$40,000 Tickets to the UFC!?

It has come to my attention that the UFC tickets can sell for as much as forty thousand dollars each.

Aye, yai yai, reeeeally?  McJeebus that's insane!  What I want to know, is, is that the scalper price, or is GM place actually selling the tickets for that much to begin with!?

Yikes.  How rich do you gotta be before that even makes some semblance of sense?

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Richmond Night Market: Deep Fried Cheesecake!!!

Yes, its true - there is deep fried cheesecake at the richmond night market.

But wait, it gets better:

There's deep fried cheesecake... with toppings!  We're talkin' smores, butterfinger, you name it!

I admit, when I first heard about it - I think I was expecting some kind of tempura dish... bletch.

These things look more like a fancy restaurant fare than anything else... and the price is only $6!!!

Awesome.

(Okay, not the end, but close)

But wait, you protest, how can a flashback be the end?

Well, quite simply, Henry had created, quite by accident, a time travelling paradox bomb, whose basic existence would tear the fabric of reality so neatly in two, that, it would be akin to one of those times where you folded a piece of white paper in half with a ruler or something, and then tore it... but it actually really really worked well, and everyone would later just believe that you'd used scissors anyway.

In essence, that flashback ends with two outcomes, neatly splitting Henry into two pieces as well.  (this, by the way, proved many quantum physicists correct, in that we are simultaneously existing in all places at once; while also proving theological debates about infinite creativity existing between thought waves.

In fact, what exactly happened, was both nothing, where Henry just swore, and went back upstairs and made some macaroni (and later decided to become a super villain) and nothing, in every sense of the word, where he was transported through time, and thus destroyed time as we had come to understand it (oh, and the Earth, too).

So, the story ended right after Phil noticed the flashback, as, it was disrupting reality.

Simple, right?

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Chapter 33... The last of the flashbacks

Henry yanked the cloth off the giant whirring contraption.  "YES!  I KNEW MAKING IT RUN OFF OF DOUBLE A'S WAS A GOOD IDEA!  FEAR ME, USERS OF AC POWER!  THE PLUGS OF YOUR CONVINENCE WILL BE YOUR DESTRUCTION!" Henry screamed to the heavens.  Suddenly he stopped, staring at himself in the mirror.  "But... wait, if he lived below me... and now I'm in the basement... that... that's crazy!  YOU!" He said, pointing at the wide-eyed fellow in the mirror, "Are CRAZY!  I'm not talking to you ANYMORE!"  He whirled away from the mirror, his pink bathrobe twirling in such a way, that, had it been another color, would have been quite intimidating.

Flipping switches that had obviously once belonged to a washer and dryer, Henry made his calculations.  "Wash, soak... SPIN! Yes spin!  Ha ha ha ha ha!" Whirling, he went to another control panel, "Muffin... no, potato!  Yes...."  Whirling again he typed on a keyboard, taking a surprisingly long amount of time, using only one of his fingers.  "A..... S..... where the hell is the 'd'.... ah!  D!....  F!" Henry was really not the best of typists.

Henry got in the modified Laz-E-boy chair at the center of all the contraptions.  The chair itself was not free from the mechanical lunacy.  It had the disemboweled guts of many a calculator hot-glued to it, as well as the occasional slinky and bucket of Henry's urine.  "And now world... I DESTROY THEE!" he screamed, throwing a rather large switch. 

(The End)

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Chapter 32... sssssnap

It wasn't as if it was the completely wrong thing to say, offering Henry some tea, but, it was the proverbial tea leaf that broke poor Ol' Henry's back, so to speak.  

To completely understand, replace tea leaf with event, and broke with snapped, and back, with mind and by Jove, you've got it!  To say Henry's day wasn't going well would be an understatement. 

"THAT... IS... IT!  I warned the world that it would push me too far!  I warned you all!"  Henry said, snapping quite thoroughly. 

"Did you old chap?  I must say I missed that.  Did you get one of those really late time slots?" 

"I SHALL DEST... what?  Who the hell are you!?" Henry sputtered, his declarations of destruction being prematurely decimated by the dufus directly in front of him. 

"Bob...  Bob!  You remember!  My roof is leaking!" He said, making little 'itsy bitsy spider' motions with his hands, as though to illustrate his case for someone with more than an average amount of stupidity. 

"I... damn it, bugger off!" Henry yelled, slamming the door in the confused, yet surprisingly content, complainer's face.  "Now then... tea... dead fish, water, dark, confusion.... AH!" Henry put his hand up, declaring that he had, once again, regained his psychotic ramble.  "Right!  ROY THE WORLD!  I... damn, that doesn't make any sense now!  I hate it when I'm interrupted!" Henry felt his way around the room, looking for the door to the basement; all the while mumbling to himself about the expensiveness of getting a decent public broadcast.

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Chapter 31...Phil gets caught watching the flashback

Phil, gazing into nothingness wondered aloud "ooOooh, he's gonna snap..." 

"What?" the little voice quipped. 

"Oh.  Sorry, I was watching the flashback." Phil said, still half trying to figure out what was going on, but pretending to understand anyway. 

"What?  Flashback?  Are you some kind of nut?"  the invisible inquiring gonad inquired inquiringly. 

"Oh... no, I just... well ummm... I've never actually been tested for nut content but...  Oop!  Here comes the wavy things again!"

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Chapter 30...The Pestiferous Wiffle Bat

Back at his flat, Henry retrieved his mail and took the lift upstairs.  There was a postcard from Cindy, showing an aerial view of a kibbutz.  It looked more like a model than anything real, thought Henry to himself. 

"Having a lovely holiday, wish you were here.  Oh that's original."  Henry scoffed depositing the card into his bag with the tea.  "Fine thing, her just traipsing off on a bloody holiday!"  he snorted.   Stopping to feed Cindy's goldfish, Goldy, on his way to the kitchen, cursing as he did so, "Bloody parasite!" 

He'd just put the kettle to boil when the phone rang.  "WHAT?!" Henry spat into the phone, "NO I DON'T WANT TO purchase AN IN home VACUUM!... I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS how MUCH IT IS!...NO I DON'T KNOW what A RAT'S ASS IS worth!  WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT!?!?!?  I'M JUST NOW HAVING MY TEA!  GOOD DAY!"  With that, he slammed the phone down, accidentally upsetting the fish bowl. "BLOODY HELL!" he bellowed.  The tea kettle had come to a boil and was now singing merrily as he desperately tried to recapture Cindy's fish and deposit it in the sink.  A foolproof plan had the sink not been full of washing detergent and his best cardigan.  "BLAST!" he declared, rushing headlong into the bathroom, fish in hand.  The tea kettles delicate little whistle having now evolved into an ear piercing scream. 

Henry was beside himself.  He threw the fish in the toilet and, slipping on a small wiffle bat, that, to this day Henry had no idea as to where it came from, and fell face first into the toilet, his teeth scraping against the handle and flushing the toilet.  Henry watched in horror as the little gold blur spiraled toward oblivion.  He quickly reached into the water but was unsuccessful at stopping the little carp's descent. 

The phone started to ring as he began using the plunger on the drain in hopes of bringing Cindy's fish back to the surface.  The toilet refused to give up its prize, however, even as Henry performed his desperate, toilet CPR. 

There was water all over the bathroom floor now, and someone was at the door, rapping politely.  He started toward the door but slipped and hit his head on the bathtub.  "OW! DAMN! DAMN! BLOODY, BLOODY HELL!" he cried out.  The person knocking on the door grew impatient and began knocking louder mixed with, "Hello! Henry! Are you there old man?"  Struggling to his knees and now completely drenched, Henry was determined to silence the unrelenting tea kettle.  Diving across the room, he yanked the kettle cord from the wall ending the air raid siren effect, but unfortunately also blowing a fuse in the process. 

With the lights out, the apartment went pitch black.  Henry, who had never cared for windows, felt his way toward the hammering at his front door.  "HENRY! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT!?" came the voice on the other side of the door.  Henry started to say yes but caught his shin on the coffee table, "OW! DAMN! FOR THE LOVE OF... I'M COMING!" he shouted. 

Finally making his way to the door, Henry grabbed the knob and flung it open, bashing himself on the forehead.  Henry, head reeling, whirled towards the door, his flashing eyes filled with fire and brimstone.  "FOR THE LOVE OF DISEASES WHAT IS SO BLOODY IMPORTANT?!" Henry bellowed. 

"Oh I'm dreadfully sorry to have bothered you Henry,” The fellow pipped, “it's just that there appears to be water coming through the ceiling in my apartment."  Henry just stared at him blankly, some of the anger turning to restrained confusion and indifference.  As a slight twitch began developing above his left eye, Henry asked as calmly as he could: "Oh?" 

"I reside below you old chap.. You do remember don't you?  Are you alright Henry?  You look like you could use a good cup of tea!"


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Chapter 29...Tiny Testicular Tearing

Phil, after leaving the bar, walked aimlessly though the streets, as though he were a man who's plot had suddenly be ripped from him, his purpose, his driving goal: gone.  

"What the hell am I doing?" Phil asked nobody in particular.  

"You're... standing... on my... crotch!"  A strangled voice yelped.  Phil lifted up his foot and inquisitively looked down.  There was no-one there.  "Closer... closer!" the voice croaked.  Suddenly, waves flashed though the air once again.  "Another lousy flashback?" Phil ejaculated irritably.  "Just when I was starting to do something cool!"

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