Pubic Crabs for sale

Revenge is a crotch best served itchy.

Forget angry text messages, forget smashing their car or throwing their clothes on the lawn, and instead... Buy them a mild STD.

Urban myth?  Afraid not.

You can officially purchase pubic crabs for the use of revenge (unless you want pubic crabs for yourself for some horrific reason, I suppose) at crabrevenge.com.

While the disclaimer says the website creators "do not endorse giving people lice," and the lice are for "novelty purposes only..."  let's face it - the site is CALLED crabREVENGE.com

"Make that bitch itch," the website says.  (but, not in an evil, revengey kind of way, apparently) - interesting how they assume it'll be guys doing it to girls.  I would actually assume that girls are more the vindictive crab-givers.

 "We sell you crabs to give your ex-girlfriend or whoever has pissed you off enough to make you seek revenge on them. If you want a method of revenge that doesn't involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time, you have come to the right place."

(But, again, don't use it for revenge, okay?) pfft.

But wait: How do they harvest these crabs, you ask?  A particularly deplorable house of debauchery perhaps?

The company says it has a facility in the British Isles (insert British joke here) "where we do all of our parasite husbandry and carefully considered selective breeding."

(right, because you wouldn't want to use some bargain basement crabs or something...)

The website says the company was started "by a group of fellows who happen to know a thing or two about biology and revenge."

There are three options to choose from when ordering the lice.

...Options.  On STDs.  What a world.

The green package includes one colony, which can have as many as 30 eggs. "This package is great for one person."  -- the other packages are either for multiple people, or multiple uses (though you have to freeze the leftovers.)

How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
"Dude, can I have some ice... crea... jesus what the hell is that stuff in your freezer, man?"

The blue package includes three vials, each with about 30 eggs.  "Use the first one straight away and you can freeze the other two batches for over 160 days, or you could get revenge on three people at once...Maybe your friends want in on the action and you'd like to take advantage of the discount pricing," the website says.

I just like the idea that you'd think ahead long enough to freeze your revenge package.  "Yeah, I'm planning on getting pissed off at some other people in the near future, so..."

The red package includes one vial of "shampoo resistant F strain crabs," which can "take up to two weeks to get rid of and apparently bite so much they cause the victim to scratch themselves raw."

Shampoo resistant super crabs.  You heard it here first, folks.

And, to quote commissioner Gordon "You've started something." in reference to the Joker... crabsites are popping up all over the place.

If we take the lateral leap of Scarecrow to Joker, then I can only assume "AIDS in a vial" is next.  Maybe with handy-dandy pin-applicator?  Herpes in a super soaker?

Sigh.
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?