CHAPTER 5: Squelchingly Sieged Cheerleaders

If ignorance was painful, you'd see a lot more cheerleaders in libraries, which, would consequently, all have to be bigger; both to accommodate its new perky residents, and their plentiful admirers. 

Similarly, if this had all taken place in one of these non-existent cheerleader-infested-libraries-of-above-average-size, and shocked bewilderment made a noise, everyone would be sternly telling Steve to shush. 

In this thread of reality, however, Steve's bewilderment simply made him stare at Ronald, well, bewilderingly.  Luckily, he didn't need to come up with anything more to say, as, at that point, it became clear that the Rifle-Toting-Tentacled-Rhino had, indeed, been chasing him, but, entirely likely due to his bipedal-ness,  lacked the foot speed of the Earthen species he so resembled, and, was just arriving now.

"You're right, he IS gray..." Ronald squinted, bringing Steve's attention to the beast.

Steve's entire body, had it had eyes, would have collectively rolled them.  "Oh son of a..."

"Shush!  They have good hearing you know." Ronald whispered.

"Oh come off it!  The bugger's obviously seen me by now!" Steve snapped, trying to convince his aching limbs to start running.

"Ever seen that movie Jurassic Park?"

"What?" Steve snapped, trying to massage life back into his legs.

" Jurassic Park.  Movie... Rampaging dinosaurs... Lawyers getting eaten when they're acting stupid and doing things like, for example, not-shushing when they're told..."

"What are you talking about!?  C'mon lil' legs, time for your walkies..."

"This helmet here.  It makes it so he can't see me."

"... I CAN SEE YOU PLAIN AS DAY!" Steve yelped, understandably distracted by the Tentacled Rhino bearing down on him.

"The Rhino species, tentacled or otherwise, has horrible vision.  Thusly, I hypothesize that this weapon-using-unpurplish version is no different, and has, like its purplish cousin, developed a form of telepathy used to track its enemies.  After all, he's using a weapon.  I'd say that's a step up the evolutionary ladder from the Earth-Rhinos; of whom, last I checked, are still using the bash-it-with-your-head strategy.  Try your best not to think.  I'll meet you at Wal-Mart."

"Wal-Mart!?"

"To get you some tin foil of course."  Ronald paused, glancing down “And some shorts at least.  Hm.  And some band aids...  oop!  You'd better start running!"

Steve's legs, possibly just to spite him, listened to Ronald and took off, narrowly dodging a searing blast from their increasingly aggravating pursuer's weapon.

As the giant, tentacled Rhino chased after the man Ronald planned on calling Steve as soon as it was convenient, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to different times.  Similar times...  He shook his head, getting entirely too used to the fact that every movement caused vomit to squelch off him like fiery bales of hay launched at a town under a particularly nasty siege.  Now was not the time for reminiscing.

Pulling out a few carefully selected items from his bag of crap, Ronald, pausing to check the skies and wind currents, made his way to the Wal-Mart.