The Green Pig with the frightfully thin legs repeated his question into the suddenly chaotic room as everyone seemed to yell at everyone, at once. “Y’all!? Hello!? Where are y’all headed!?”
“How can you be in love with me, Dave?” Amber asked Wally, “You and I just met!”
“Uh, listen, I don’t want to stand in the way of you two’s happiness so…” Fred, the terrorist mustered, doing his best to seem noble, when really he was just trying to ditch Amber.
“What is love, anyway? I mean, who here even knows how to spell it?” Steve started, then realized how easy it was to spell, and did his best to compensate with a “just kidding”.
Captain Groink noticed that he was being ignored, not unlike a substitute teacher (or captain for that matter); unfortunately, Groink saw no nearby light switches to flick on and off.
“Uh… guys?” Groink tried again.
Steve, reverting to his grade school days, where he would often be called up to the board in order to demonstrate a problem to which he had zero clue on how to solve, blurted out the word “Poop” in an effort to make everyone laugh.
“But I do love you Amber!” Wally protested, his nerves having gotten slightly unsettled enough for him to momentarily forgo screaming about his new unearthly local.
Groink, again, somewhat like many a high school instructor, missed the humor entirely, and answered, “Poop!? Why would any sane person go there?” The pig replied, adjusting his, for lack of a better word, hat.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Amber asked Fred.
“Don’t mind Steve, he’s an idiot.” Ronald said, stepping forward. “It seems you’ve gone and blown up your ship there, Captain Groink.”
“Well, yeah, I mean, I didn’t think you were so serious…” Fred answered Amber.
“…er, well… yes. It would seem so… so…” Groink muttered, having a hard time listening to only one conversation at a time.
“so…?” Ronald prompted.
“Look Fred, we weren’t serious, but either way, I think you and I should break it off. I mean, with all the threats to blow things up… I mean, how ‘fear of intimacy’ can you GET man?” Amber blurfed*, embarrassingly.
*Blurfing, without having a squid attached to one’s face is nearly impossible, but Amber’s a special kinda gal.
“…so… whaddayawannadoaboutit?” Captain Groink oinked, in the vain thought that, if perhaps he talked really fast, the outcome would be more positive, and, worst case, at least he could end the conversation so as to make the whole thing a little less confusing.
“Me? Nothing really. Can we drop you off somewhere?” Ronald prompted.
Captain Groink paused, and made sure Ronald was still talking to him, confirmed, then, continued. He’d really been planning on looting the ship, then blowing it to smithereens. Now, he decided, would not be a good time to bring that up, however. Instead, he decided to play down his evil. “I was… on my way to feed the …uh… poor! Y’know… clothe the homeless, and like, uh… help… blind people… that kinda thing…” Groink paused, Too much! Too much! “…And kick some people… in the shins… y’know…” He added, in an effort to make it all sound a little more realistic.
Ronald arched his eyebrow most impressively high. “I… see. Well… perhaps we can help each other then. You see, my friend here,” He paused, pointing at Steve, who seemed to be adjusting himself at just the wrong moment, “… he… well he seems to be a target of some unerringly cheap crime family, who has hired a tentacled rhino-esque creature to capture and/or vaporize him.”
“…” said Captain Groink, as quietly as he could.
“How can I prove my love of you Amber?” Wally pleaded like a cat-owner (of which, Wally, was not).
Amber frowned. “Can’t we talk about this later? There’s too many people talking at once, and it’s all very confusing.” She stalled, not really wanting to answer Wally’s question.
“Anyway, we’re sure it’s all just some big misunderstanding ‘n all, and well, you seem like the sort of chap who might have heard of such a family…?” Ronald finished like a teenager’s first attempt at intercourse.
“…well, that wasn’t what I expected” Captain Groink paused, “But, as a matter of fact, I do know nearly exactly who you are talking about… And I might even have an inkling as to why Mr. Sploosh has put a bounty on your friend’s life here...” He trailed off, paused, then realized he’d failed to gesticulate throughout the entire discussion, and made up for lost time in a small, piggy seizure, which inadvertently distracted Wally just enough, so as to settle a single nerve.
“…Wait… WHY ARE WE IN SPACE!?”
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