Cell phones kill bees and people

If Cell Phones Are Behind the Bee Decline, What Are They Doing to Humans?
Well heck, I bloody well knew they were bad news.  Didn't I say they were bad news?  Well, they are.

People have been trying to figure out what the heck has been happening to the bee population.  For those of you present-minded people, less bees does not equal "less stings" - it equals no trees.

No trees = no animals.

You're an animal.

So anyway, we've figured out that cell phones are doin' something to the bees.

Specifically, in a study at Panjab University in Chandigarh, northern India, researchers fitted cell phones to a hive and powered them up for two fifteen-minute periods each day.

After three months, they found the bees stopped producing honey, egg production by the queen bee halved, and the size of the hive dramatically reduced.

Some kinda frequency vibrational thingie, I'm guessin'.  Seriously, the waves coming off those things are interfering with hive minds.  (I wonder if it affects ants too?)

Andrew Goldsworthy, a biologist from Imperial College, London, told CNN that the reason may have to do with radiation from cell phones and cell towers disturbing the molecules of the chemical cryptochrome, which bees and other animals use for navigation.

Now, I know you probably focused on the whole cryptochrome-bee thing, so I'm going to say part of that again:  OTHER ANIMALS USE FOR NAVIGATION.

The "other animals" part there is key: it includes humans.

Cryptochrome apparently also plays a role in controlling circadian rhythms. (sleeping/energy)

If cell phone and tower radiation disturbs cryptochrome molecules, it could have serious consequences for our circadian rhythms, Goldsworthy wrote in a briefing for an independent, British radiation research group last year. Circadian rhythms follow a roughly 24-hour cycle and play a key role in physically, mentally and behaviorally regulating our bodies. Mess with your circadian rhythms and you screw with, among other things, your ability to be well-rested and the associated health benefits.

Goldsworthy argues that the link between phone radiation and cryptochrome could then explain the sometimes-found link between cell phones and cancer:

AAAAH HAH!  I so told you so.