****
Just like using a human baby as a hammer and, say, peeing into your computer’s central processing unit are both grossly disturbing ideas, when put into such context, it is still easy to find an element of relativity. If, for example, you pit biting your nails against peeing in your computer, one would seem absolutely atrocious, whereas when pit against infantooling, there seems little contest in the opposite direction. In the same way, was size relative. While one might think being the size of something decidedly small might be disturbing, without any reference point, one doesn’t actually realize just how small, or large, one is, until it’s pointed out.
It is with that knowledge, that you should come equipped, as we join the conversation that was currently underway.
“I’M TELLING YOU, WE’VE BEEN SHRUNK!” Wally squealed, waving about his arms as if to illustrate how, perhaps, by means of hitting the obviously larger air molecules.
“Look Wally, maybe your shower was just colder than ours, ok? Just let it go already, nobody cares…” Steve inverse-comforted* (*When one is attempting to help with issue A, when the person in question is worrying about issue B, and then is confronted with A as well, and thusly now is worried about both, and comforted for neither)
“I… no! NO! I...” Wally paused and took a deep, calming breath. It seemed every time he’d been insecure about his genitals lately, they had painfully expanded, to the point where they were already sturdy enough to be used as handholds. And, honestly, any further increase in their size would prove an impediment to his basic movements. Also, as Amber had already demonstrated, having genitals of a sturdy enough nature so as to be available as handholds, could be a painful thing indeed.
Amber. A good portion of Wally’s vision glazed over at her memory. Where was she now? In this same prison? Another altogether? Had her boyfriend’s death hit her hard? Did that make her single, and if so, how long should he wait? And where was Ronald? What was to become of them? So many questions, and so little answers. All of his eyes snapped back to focus. That was all going to have to wait. For now, figuring out how to get back to, or at least make a phone call TO Earth was his primary concern. That, and the multi-dicked inhabitants that he assumed, due to the way his luck had been going thus far, would no doubt be his roommates.
“Look Steve,” Wally tried again, motioning with his hands, “Remember how I used to be shorter than you, and now we’re exactly the same height?”
“Yes, yes I do.” Steve said, offhandedly, gazing out over the prison courtyard. “Hey cool! Look at that guy!”
Wally grabbed Steve’s pointing hand before any of the species he could no doubt offend with such a gesture could notice. “Well, don’t you think that’s odd!? That we’re the same exact size now? Aren’t you curious as to why???”
“Look dude, you’ve got a third eye, too. I don’t judge. Why are you so stressed, anyway?”
“WhyamIso… Do you hear yourself!? We’re in SPACE! No! Better! We’re in PRISON… IN -SPACE-! WE-ARE-IN-SPACE-PRISON! With… with THOSE!” He squeaked, pointing at a passing fellow who looked like he should be in one of those disturbing Japanese-tentacle movies.
“Look man, where you see lifetime imprisonment and a horrible abduction, I see a free sight-seeing tour of the galaxy that’ll most likely sort itself out, ok? We’re in SPACE man! Enjoy it while it lasts!” Steve paused, “You might be right about being shrunk, too.”
“Yeah?” Wally perked up.
“Yeah. Because everyone here is the same height. I mean, everyone. That dude over there who looks like a dinosaur, and that goof over there who looks like the pig-dude’s pal…”
“Splatch?”
“Yeah, Splatch. Doesn’t he look like Splatch?” Steve said, pointing to the amoebic fellow playing hackysack in the corner.
“Yeah, Splatch. Doesn’t he look like Splatch?” Steve said, pointing to the amoebic fellow playing hackysack in the corner.
“Heh, actually yeah. I guess he does. Maybe they know each other eh?”
“Right. It’s a small universe.” They laughed, sauntering over to the potatoe-salad-esque section of the cafeteria.
No comments:
Post a Comment